b'vouchers, planning their day. Youve escaped your children, youve escaped your husband. It was our own little world. Mary, as Caroline describes her, is too unique to picture, though there must be 72-year-olds who fit that description. Has Caroline got photographs?She is down in the kitchen now, sitting at the computer, clicking through folders of photographs. Here are all the images she has posted of herself, in Cancer Research UK outfits, on the 52 days of this year so far. As she scrolls through image after image, it becomes clear that the exercise for Caroline is really an emotional diary portrayed through clothes. A dark coat signifies a really bad day. I felt so teary. Neon nail polish in another shot shows that she felt a bit brighter. A preppy look is quite subdued. Another day, she hid behind a hat. The outfits are not simply an act of commemoration, or purely a way to fundraise, they are Carolines coping mechanism, sifting through her emotions as she sifts through the clothes. Caroline is scrolling back in time to the first days of the project. She keeps rewinding, back to 2014, and there, at last, is Mary. Mary looks beautiful and kind and smart rather than ahead of the went with friends, not her mother? Every Saturday, she says,curve. But she looks all of those things and more to Caroline, who Mum and me. As my mums not here, now I shop on my own,sees in these pictures not just the image or the outfit, but years of with my mum right there.shared experiment and adventure and love. A mother who was She holds her hands to her shoulder, as if they are cupping analways encouraging and never disappointed. Caroline is clicking invisible face.faster now, and with each click, Mary appears to move, as if animated. Most teenagers would surely sooner shop with anyone but theirYou are probably wondering how I cope without all this now, mum. Why does Caroline think it was different for her? BecauseCaroline says. I dont manage without it. I dont manage. I hate it. she never doubted me. She guided me. She was so willing to doTheres an enormous . She puffs out, bravely. Dark gap. Pit. that. She was so patient. It was never, Weve got half an hour, letsHole. That will never be filled. She taps her ruby fingers on the get this over with. We were always praising each other. It was ascreen, where Mary is still smiling. Look at the nails, she says, and little world that I thought was entirely normal. The shopping was aholds her own hand to Marys. great excuse to hang out together. Ive got her!, she says.Now Caroline takes her own daughters shopping, to New Look rather than Chelsea Girl. What children really want, she says, is time with you. They want time. Full stop.Like the time she had with her mum? Caroline is already back there with Mary. And the time would start the moment we got in the car because then wed be giggling, Do you want to do under-wear first or shall we get a coffee? Sorting through money-offThe Guardian, 21st February 2015Page 19'